I was trying to think of something to write with the letter 'h' and couldn't come up with anything that felt right. After stewing about it for a couple days, I kept coming back to hope.
Why do we have it? What are we hopeful for? What does hope even mean?
Well, according to the dictionary, this is the first definition under hope: the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best.
Going by this definition, I have SO MUCH HOPE! I seriously have such big dreams and I am so full of hope that they come true, or that my dreams mold and change as I get older. Let's be honest, I'm almost 25, so I need to start figuring things out. But for now, I'm just so hopeful for the future. I truly hope that in a year and a half or so I'm graduated with my Masters degree, searching/already at my dream job, figuring out who I am and who I want to be. I hope that other people are proud of me, because I'm proud of myself.
Not even looking too far into the future, I hope that I can cross a few items off of my bucket list this year. I'm hoping to meet Darren Criss and Chris Colfer. I'm hoping to meet Andrew Rannells as well but that will be tough. I hope that I can save enough money to do all of the things that I want to do in the next year, plus more to move! I hope that in two years I'm in either New York City or LA doing something I love. I hope I can see as many Broadway shows as possible. I hope that I continue to learn as grow as a person, and that I continue to improve myself in so many ways.
I'm a hopeful nerd.
Ever seen The Hunger Games? There was a few scenes added with President Snow, and in one of them he says, "Hope. It is the only thing stronger than fear."
Now, before you start cracking up at me for liking this TV show, give me a chance to explain.
So I have gone the past 3 years disliking Glee. I thought it was the most ridiculous, contrived television show. I thought that it was overly preachy and disappointing. I had attempted to watch the pilot, but couldn't get through it. I watched 3 episodes in season 3, which were The First Time, Extraordinary Merry Christmas, and Big Brother. I watched all of these knowing about the characters and the basic premise of the show, but I just wasn't interested. However, I did have quite a few Glee covers downloaded on my iTunes. I loved the songs by the Warblers. I already loved Darren Criss before he was on Glee, but I couldn't bring myself to even watch the show.
So last August I went to California and stayed with a friend who sometimes works on Glee. And I hate to say that I was kind of mean about Glee, I said it was a ridiculous show. She told me to just give a chance, that season 4 was going to be really good. I told her no way...and then I started watching it.
This is a breakdown of how it went:
Season 4 Episode 1 - The New Rachel. - Oh my gosh I can't believe I'm actually sitting here watching this show. I know I said I would give it a shot but ugh it is so ridiculous. Hey look Darren's singing, I love him. Cool. Ugh this show. I really like that reunion at the end of Kurt/Rachel though (oh hey I will just go download Call Me Maybe, New York State of Mind and It's Time)
Season 4 Episode 2 - Britney 2.0 - UGH seriously a Britney Spears episode? Okay Darren and Kevin McHale I can get behind this. (Hurries to download the songs from the episode)
Season 4 Episode 3 - Makeover - SERIOUSLY WITH THESE RIDICULOUS FACES? What is even happening? No I love Blaine with bowties. This is silly. Why am I watching this show again? Oh hey SJP I love her. WHAT IS FINN DOING IN NEW YORK? Okay I'm giving this one more week. (Hurries to download songs again - fears I'm getting sucked in even though I only said one more week.)
Season 4 Episode 4 - The Break Up - (Before the episode I downloaded Teenage Dream acoustic and cried, it's okay.) Okay so we don't know why Finn is in New York right? Oh he shot himself in the leg okay. Hey why's Blaine talking to someone else he's with Kurt. Wait NO. I love Barely Breathing but this is wrong. Okay Kurt and Rachel going to a bar with Finn...HEY BLAINE'S IN NEW YORK! So he didn't cheat right? I have to download Give Your Heart a Break ASAP. I'm crying because of Blaine and Kurt what is happening to me? How did I get so invested? Why am I crying? Why would someone break up every couple on the show?
Then you know what happened? A four week hiatus. I knew it. I was sucked in. So I watched 2 seasons of Glee in 2 1/2 days. I literally did nothing but watch Glee and download the songs. I found people online who loved Glee just as much as me. After I finished season 1&2, Netflix didn't have sesaon 3 so I had to go buy it...and I finished it in 2 days. So I watched 3 seasons in 4 1/2 days. That is INSANE and ridiculous. I realize how crazy I seem. Then, because the show was still on hiatus, I continued to watch and download my favorite episodes so that I could get my Glee fix. It is like crack for me. I couldn't get enough, and I still can't get enough. I'm in the middle of a re-watch RIGHT NOW. What the what?
However, this show honestly just spoke to me on so many levels. I found out how much I love the storylines (even when they don't make sense) and the characters. I love these actors so much. I completely fell in love with Chris Colfer and Mike O'Malley as one of the best depictions of a father/son relationship on television. (Furt is one of my favorite episodes. I just always skip the parts with Sue and her ridiculous wedding.) I became a huge fan of Kurt and Blaine and their relationship. It was testing the boundaries of television and I loved it.
Is it preachy? Yes. Is it ridiculous? Absolutely. Does it make me feel? YES! More often than I want to admit unfortunately. Don't Stop Believin' brings me to tears. Teenage Dream does as well. The recent Shooting Star episode brought me to tears. Glee doesn't always have the strongest acting, but when it does..wow.
I used to hate Ryan Murphy. Now, I love him, even when I hate him. I know that at the end of the day, he's going to do the show he wants to do, no matter what anyone else thinks. How can you not admire that? Plus he created one of my other favorite shows, The New Normal. I will always be grateful for that.
So in conclusion... I love Glee. And to be honest, I really don't care if you don't like it. Because it makes me happy, that's what matters.
Family is one of the most important things in my life. I truly, honestly, love my family more than anything. I have some of the craziest family members ever, but I love them so much. Because without them, I would really be nothing.
My mom has supported me 100% all the time in everything that I do. I'm lucky to have a mom that fully believes in my dreams. She supports me moving to New York or LA - as long as it is what I want to do. She always tell me that I might as well try to do things. After all, experience is still experience right?
My brothers are pretty supportive too. My littlest brother and my sister don't really know much about it, but they want me to be happy, and that's what is important.
My brothers and my sister, even when I'm mad at them, are still some of my favorite people in the world. When it comes down to it, we are there for each other.
My aunts and uncles and cousins are so wonderful and I love them. My grandparents are great. I wish I could explain to you in words just what family means to me. I think pictures will do a better job.
And friends are family you choose for yourself.
So to see some of my family - check it out after the jump. Unfortunately there isn't enough room in the entire world to show how many pictures I have of my family.
Emotional. What a word. What do you get emotional over? For me, it seems as though it is anything lately. I get emotional over people, places, things, experiences...but it is okay. I get emotional thinking about certain things. The other night I was emotional over my dad's death. Today, it was a scene that I found chilling and haunting from a TV show. They are different ranges of emotions and for different reasons, but I'm glad I can feel. Emotions are okay. It is okay to feel something and react to it. If we don't show any emotion, things get bottled up. And when they get bottled up, sometimes they explode. I have seen this happen to too many people and I used to do it to myself. Now, I just let myself feel. I give in to the emotion. Why is it seen as such a bad thing to be emotional? Doesn't it just mean that you care? Where did this stigma come from? Why is it so bad? Why do I have so many questions? I don't know. All I know is that I kind of like being emotional and feeling things. I'm not afraid to feel and react. I try to be rational but unfortunately that doesn't always happen when someone is emotional. I also think that there is a definite difference between 'emotional' and 'overemotional' ... so as with everything else, a healthy balance is needed. “I don't want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.” ― Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray
My dad died when I was 12, and it's something that has really shaped me as a person. I learned how to deal with death (even more so than when my uncle passed away the month before). I learned how to take care of a family. I learned how to be a pillar of strength. I learned how to cry and hold things in when no one else was looking. I learned how tough it is to be tough for everyone else.
Writing this is even hard for me. When I see or hear people talking about their dad, it makes me sad. I miss mine. I often wonder what he would think of me if he was here right now. If you want to know what the worst part of this is? That I don't even remember that much about him. It's funny, because yes I was a little older, but that didn't seem to help me remember. I know people claim to remember so many things..but I don't.
I remember that my dad liked to talk. A lot. He also was big on going to church and having breakfast after going to church. I remember that he was a master at discipline. I remember that one of his favorite movies was Grease. He also loved Forrest Gump. He (secretly) loved Jewel. He worked at a bank, and then at a mobile home park. My dad was a man who loved his family very fiercely, but he did have his problems with them.
It's funny how I can't remember so many things. But I remember some silly, specific things, like getting ice cream after softball games.
It's funny how I remember some things so clearly, like the day he died. How my grandpa sat my brothers and I down and told us. How I was in shock, but more worried about my brothers than myself. How I sat with my mom for hours because we didn't know what to do. How lost I felt in those moments. And how one of my friends ran all the home from St. Charles to come and sit and cry with me. To this day, I hope she knows how much that meant to me. How my neighbors stepped up to the plate and took care of us when we didn't know what else to do. How my life changed in one day.
It makes me so sad when I see people who say they hate their parents. I always wonder if I would feel the same way if my dad hadn't died.
It makes me sad that one day, should I get married, my dad won't be there to walk me down the aisle. Luckily, I have five brothers..but still.
When some people say that name, they have no idea what it means to me now, or what it meant to me in the past.
Well friends, C is for Chuck. Chuck is one of those TV shows I just fell completely in love with. I hadn't loved a show like that since Friends, Boy Meets World, or Home Improvement. Everything about Chuck was great to me. I loved that they had a Buy More and a Nerd Herd instead of Best Buy and a Geek Squad. I fell in love with the goofy leading man, his best friend, sister, and her boyfriend. I fell in love with the spy and the NSA agent who were there to protect Chuck.
Have you ever seen this show? Seriously, it is a must watch. Chuck changed my life. I joined Twitter one day on a whim, and I've never looked back. I have found some of the most incredible friends just from watching the same television show. That's powerful to me...incredibly powerful. I went to SDCC (San Diego Comic Con) last year with people I had never even met in person before, I had only spoken with them online because of Chuck. I found some of my favorite bands from Chuck. (Seriously, they had some of the BEST music!)
Season 1 and 2 were the best, with 3 also being pretty decent. Season 4 and 5 are okay, they have their moments, but the magical stuff is in the first two seasons. The writing was great, the budget was there, the actors were at the top of their game. To this day, I can't watch the finale without crying. As many problems as I had with the last two seasons, it was still Chuck. It still made me happy.
It's strange to think how much one small thing (like a TV show) can change you and your life. Well, I can honestly say that things would have been so different. I never would have tried for a Big Bang Theory ticket to attend a taping (because I didn't believe it was even possible at the time). I never would have traveled by myself to Los Angeles and stayed with people I had just met the month before. I never would have opened myself up to new opportunities like that. Or maybe I would have. Who knows?
All I really know is that I'm glad I turned on NBC to watch Chuck. I'm glad I turned to Twitter and found other people who had the passion and love for Chuck like I did. I'm eternally grateful that I found (what I believe to be) lifelong friendships. How lucky is that?
Bowties have become one of my favorite things in the world. I fell in love with them on celebrities during award shows. However, there is a much bigger reason for me to love bowties now.
I am a huge supporter of same sex marriage and really just same sex rights. I don't understand how gay people getting married harms straight people, or the institution of marriage. Doesn't divorce do enough of that?
Anyway, Jesse Tyler Ferguson (currently seen on Modern Family) and his fiance Justin Mikita started a foundation called Tie the Knot. I am proud to say that I bought on of the bowties on the first day they were on sale. Now, they aren't normally a girly thing, but come on, fashion knows no gender! I am so proud to support this cause, and my bowtie makes me happy. Just looking at it, knowing that some of my money goes to making a difference...this is something that I love.
And why shouldn't you support something you love and believe in 100%?
I am not, by any stretch of the imagination, a writer. In fact, it is one of my weak points. However, I have wanted to start a blog for a long time. I need to figure out what I really want it to 'be' if you know what I mean.
So, my friend Ashley encouraged me, and here I am. I'm going to do the A to Z challenge, and hopefully once I'm done I will have some sort of idea of what I want my blog to become. But for now, here goes nothing.
The first thing I have to decide is what to write about the letter A. What is the first thing I think of?
Airplanes.
Yes. Airplanes.
I love to travel. Everything about it. The packing, the excitement leading up to it, the plane ride to my destination...everything. Travel inspires me. If I could travel forever, I would. There's nothing like the feeling of going somewhere new. Similarly, there's nothing like the feeling of going back to some place that you love. I am going back to Los Angeles in three and a half weeks, and I can hardly wait to be back in the sunshine state, in an area that I love, with people that I can't wait to see, doing something that I love.
